Episode 7 - Chapter 63

“Seize him,” the prince commands.

“Stay away,” Robert says, “Not one of you can touch me.”

“Cum 'ere,” Rocknipples says, “Ahl get you, you little...eeurk!”

The walls around Raven and the Guide ripple and contract, before their world is turned upside down with a loud crash.

“What is wrong with you?” the prince demands, “He's only one man. Grab him, for god's sake.”

“What is wrong?” Raven asks the troll quietly.

“Can't get near 'im,” the troll says in reply to both, “Shomething pushesh us back.”

“Then be polite,” Raven suggests, “Ask him nicely....and tell him it's what his mother, Mary....tell him it's what she would want.”

Episode 7 - Chapter 62

“You'll never find her,” Raven hears Robert declare, “And even if you do, she'll never marry you!”

“Get him away from here troll!” Raven whispers harshly.

“Thish way,” Rocknipples says to Robert, shoving him forward.

“Lock that heretic away,” the prince commands, “Give me time to contemplate what worthy fate his insolence has wrought.”

“But I can help you,” Robert declares, before adding an “Ooof!” as the troll pushes him again. “I can help you find your true queen.”

“Conshider thish ish me helping you,” Rocknipples shoves him again.

“Get away from me,” Robert says with a bold command, and Raven feels the walls around him shudder as the troll is forced backwards.

Episode 7 - Chapter 61

“By the mountains,” Raven mutters when he hears Robert's declaration, “Have I not enough to contend with?”

“I beg your pardon?” The Guide asks, “Did you say something?”

“Nevermind,” Raven replies, “Just listen.”

“Arrest me all you like,” they hear Robert shout, “She's still MY wife.”

“Quick Troll,” Raven bangs the wall in front of him, “Arrest that boy before anyone else does.”

“Why?” Rocknipples asks quietly.

“Because he will help us to get you two a new bridge.”

Their cramped quarters shake a little as the troll steps forward. “You, son,” it says, landing a giant stone hand on Robert's shoulder, “You're nicked!”

Episode 7 - Chapter 60

My wife stood slowly and crept across the carpet to gently twitch the curtains aside.

“Well?” I asked.

“They're leaving,” she replied, “It's just Ms Wright from number twelve left. They're bringing her wheel chair out now.”

“What are we going to do?” I think my question was more rhetorical than anything else, but she responded nevertheless.

“We wait,” she said, looking at Robert's slumbering body.

“Wait?” I asked, somewhat flabbergasted, “Mary, terrible things are about to happen. How long can we wait?”

“As long as we have to,” she said. “We have to have faith now. Faith in our son,” she was stood by him now, caressing his forehead, “Faith in his wife,” she looked at me directly, “In Raven.”

Episode 7 - Chapter 59

A wave of shock ripples through the crowd as they realise what's just been said.

Before anyone can react further, twelve trolls march into the ball room, taking up positions around the crowd.

“These fine trolls,” the MC declares, “Are here to ensure your safety during these most unsettled and confusing times.”

“What's her name?” Robert finds himself shouting. “This girl,” he points to the portrait, “Who you'd commit these horrendous acts for, what's her name?”

“She didn't say,” the prince speaks for the first time.

“No, she wouldn't,” Robert spits, “Not to someone who'd do such despicable things. Her name is Fiona, and you can't marry her, even if she does turn up.”

“Arrest that man,” the MC barks at the trolls.

“Arrest me all you like,” Robert gloats, “She's still MY wife.”

Episode 7 - Chapter 58

The crowd does as bid, dutifully breaking into vigorous applause, while the line of chained young women is led by the troll, through the ballroom to stand before the prince.

“Yes, yes,” shouts the mc over the noise, “More!”

People begin to cheer and whoop enthusiastically. They continue doing so until the full line of girls is gathered together, flanked on either side by a troll.

Robert steps away from the woman, trying to make his way closer, to get a better look.

The mc silences the crowd with a wave of his hand. “Friends,” he addresses the crowd, “Tonight should have been a very different celebration.” The crowd mutters its approval. “Tonight, there should be a betrothal. But no, this girl has seemingly disappeared, leaving only these imposters.”

Once more the crowd murmurs in agreement.

“The prince is loathe to accept this,” he looks to the picture, “He believes she must be somewhere in the nine valleys so he makes you this pledge. An imposter will be burned at the stake every day until this girl stands before him.”

Episode 7 - Chapter 57

“Of course I haven't,” Robert replies, “Trolls aren't real.”

“If trolls aren't real,” the woman says, pointing at the creature, “Then what do you call that.”

“Well, it's a troll, all right, but it's not real. None of this is real.”

As he speaks, the troll begins to shamble forward, dragging the chain gang of young women behind it.

“Not real?” the woman asks in astonishment, before slapping Robert across the face. “Is that real enough for you, young man? Now if you please, I will enjoy the spectacle alone.”

The crowd has quietened down. There are murmurs here and there, but most are too intrigued as to what will happen next. An air of expectation and curiosity hangs thick about their heads.

“Ladies and Gentlemen,” the mc demands, “We welcome your applause, for the Imposters' Parade.”

Episode 7 - Chapter 56

“What?” Robert asks, “Why would he do that?”

“Don't know,” the woman tells him, “Nobody does. His highness hasn't seen fit to tell anyone, and so the whole kingdom is falling into chaos and civil war.”

“Why?” Robert asks again.

“There's some high born girls among them,” the woman nods towards a grand doorway at the end of the ball room which is just beginning to open. “Some of them are already betrothed, and even those that aren't are assets to their families.”

The doors continue to swing open, revealing a giant stone man holding a chain. As the doors open further, Robert can see the chain tethers a line of girls, too many to count, stretched down the corridor beyond.

“Good grief,” Robert mutters, “What on earth is that?”

“You mean to tell me,” the woman replies, “You've never seen a troll before?”

Episode 7 - Chapter 55

“The prince cancelled the ball? Because Fi...” Robert catches himself just in time, “Because the girl didn't show up?”

“He did!” She tells him, “Bang on the stroke of ten. Had quite the tantrum, literally pushing people out the door. There were some very bruised egos that night, I can tell you.”

“So what happened next?”

“He locked up the palace, for quite a few days nobody went in, nobody came out. Then one day to great fanfare he sent out heralds with the shoes.”

“The shoes?”

“She'd left them, you see.”

“The girl left her shoes?”

“She did. And somehow he got it into his head that the shoes were the way to find her. He had copies made, a hundred they say, and every girl in the Nine Valleys had to try them on. Those that fit were sent here.”

“Why would he do that?”

“Far as I can tell,” the woman sniffs, “So that he can call them imposters and throw them all in jail.”

Episode 7 - Chapter 54

“Her shoes?” Robert asks.

“Yes, her shoes,” the woman confirms, “And now the Nine Valleys have been plunged into chaos because of them.”

“How so?”

“When she didn't appear at the Naming ball, the prince started to get a little bit obsessed with them.”

“I'm sorry,” Robert interrupts, confused, “I thought it was a Courting Ball?”

“No,” the woman replies, her patience starting to wear thin, “She was at the Courting Ball. There's a second ball, held the night after the Courting Ball, at which the prince announces which ladies he will be courting.”

“Ladies?” Robert asks, “He courts more than one?”

“For a year, yes. And then after one year, there's the Betrothal Ball, at which one lucky girl is finally selected.”

“So what happened at the Naming Ball?”

“Nothing,” she declares dismissively, “When she didn't show, the prince cancelled it.”

Episode 7 - Chapter 53

“Intended?” Robert asks, “Intended what?”

“Bride,” the women replies bluntly, “And then Queen, someday.”

“What?” Robert almost spits the word, such is his shock. “How did that happen?”

“Same way as the Queen is always chosen,” the woman tells him, “With a courting ball.”

“A what?”

“Courting Ball,” she stresses in reply, before realising Robert's face is blank. “Oh sorry, I forgot, you're new. Long and the short of it is this: when the prince reaches his maturity, his mother – the current queen – must throw him a grand ball, to which all the eligible ladies are invited.”

“So that girl,” Robert points once more at Fiona's picture, “She was invited?”

“No, she just showed up, stole his heart and left him her shoes.”

Episode 7 - Chapter 52

“Why,” Tom asks, as he sparkles through shades of orange and yellow, “Is there a billboard sized portrait of your wife hanging over this ballroom?”

“I don't know,” Robert replies absently, “But I've a mind to find out.”

He sidles over to the edge of the cheering crowd, gently tapping a middle aged woman on her arm.

“Excuse me,” he says, “Sorry to bother you, but could you tell me who she is?”

“You don't know?” the woman replies in astonishment.

“No, sorry,” Robert apologises, shaking his head slightly.

“You really don't know,” the woman presses him, seemingly unconvinced by his response. “Where have you been living for the past six months, in a cave?”

“No,” Robert shakes his head, “But I am kind of new to this...realm.”

“Well then, that explains that,” she says, folding her arms and nodding at the picture, “That, my dear, is the Intended, if the Prince can ever ruddy well find her.”

Episode 7 - Chapter 51

“His Royal Highness,” the MC continues speaking into his microphone, “The Prince Charming, Heir to the Nine Valleys, Keeper of the Twelve Keys and Master of the Trolls dedicates this parade to you, his loyal and trusting people.”

In front of him, the crowd turns en masse to face a throne, clapping and cheering once more. Robert sees the prince nods his head in return, accepting their adulation, then turning his attention back to the MC.

“This,” The MC declares proudly, “Is the Parade of the Imposters, they who can wear her shoes but not her face.”

Behind him, a giant portrait is suddenly revealed, bathed in light from all angles. Robert gasps.

“Is there something wrong?” Tom shimmers at him.

“Yes,” Robert replies, “Yes there most definitely is, that's my wife.”

Episode 7 - Chapter 50

The door thumped once more, the officer shouting “Police! Open up now!”

My husband and I stood frozen, staring at each other in indecision.

The door thumped for a third time, closely followed by the bell.

“What do we do?” Edward whispered.

We heard the letterbox being pushed open. “Anybody home?” the officer shouted through it. “There's been an accident,” he continued, “This area isn't safe, you've got to evacuate.”

He thumped the door again. “Hello? Anybody home?”

“Well?” Edward whispered again, but I shushed him with a finger to my lip and a harsh frown.

The letterbox snapped closed. “I don't think there's anyone in that one,” we heard the officer say, but he was moving away from the house. “There's a light on at the back, but that could be on a timer.”

That was when I realised I'd been holding my breath.

Episode 7 - Chapter 49

“With my imagination? I don't understand,” Fiona tells the Angel.

“Oh come come,” the Angel chides, “Picture yourself back in the Warp, your phone rings, you take it from your pocket or bag and answer it.”

Ring Ring....Ring Ring....Ring Ring

“Better do so quickly,” he prompts, “It might not work if you over think it.”

“Okay,” she replies, “Here goes nothing.”

She closes her eyes, picturing herself walking down the street where she lives. “I'm walking home,” she says out loud, “I hear my phone ring, ring ring, ring ring, so I reach into my pocket.”

As she speaks she slips her hand into her trouser pocket. She gasps with surprise when it encounters a small block, vibrating against her leg.

With her eyes still closed she pulls the block from her pocket, causing the Angel to gasp as well.

“Then I answer it,” she says, taping the block where the answer button should be. She lifts it to her ear. “Hello?” she says.

Episode 7 - Chapter 48

Ring Ring....Ring Ring....Ring Ring

The phone continues to ring, its volume getting louder, closer.

“You enjoy all this, don't you?” Fiona asks accusingly.

“Mmmm?” the Angel replies, once again distracted. “Enjoy what?”

“All these little games,” she says, “The never giving a straight answer, the little manipulations, the plots and the scheming.”

“Well,” the Angel smiles, “It is my nature. A nature, I might add, given me by the minds of men.”

Ring Ring....Ring Ring....Ring Ring

“Right then,” Fiona says with new purpose, “If you want my help, I want yours. Tell me how to get that phone.”

The Angel sighs with disappointment. “Very well then,” he says, “If the question is how do you answer a phone that isn't there?” He pauses for a moment, expectant.

“Well?” Fiona demands.

“Then the answer is simple: with your imagination.”

Episode 7 - Chapter 47

“What?” Fiona asks, suddenly stumped, “What do you mean? Did you know I'd come into the Weave?”

“That was certainly my intention,” the Angel replies.

Ring Ring....Ring Ring....Ring Ring

“Why?” she asks tentatively, not sure if she really wants to know that answer.

“I may have a problem that I might need your help with,” the Angel tells her.

“What sort of a problem?”

“I need a serious talk with a little bird,” he says with a flourish of the hand, “A bird that wont be inclined to have a serious talk with me.”

Ring Ring....Ring Ring....Ring Ring

“And you think I'm going to help you?”

“Oh I'm certain that you'll try.”

Episode 7 - Chapter 46

“Well?” Fiona asks, growing ever more frustrated, “How do you answer a phone that isn't there?”

“You really have to ask?” is the Angel's reply.

“Yes,” she tells him, “I do.”

Ring Ring....Ring Ring....Ring Ring

There's a sadness in the Angel's face when he says “It would appear that much of my work with you was in vain.”

“What does that mean?” Fiona demands, “What work with me?”

“All those dreams I gave you,” he says, “All that preparation.”

“Preparation?” She's beginning to lose her temper, “Preparation for what?”

Ring Ring....Ring Ring....Ring Ring

“Preparation for what?” It's the Angel who's growing exasperated now. “Preparation for now, you stupid girl.”

Episode 7 - Chapter 45

Ring Ring....Ring Ring....Ring Ring.

The phone continues to ring, but still quietly.

“How can the call be for me,” Fiona asks the Angel, “When there's no phone to ring?”

“My dear girl, this is the Court of the Peacock Angel,” he replies, “One of the hearts of the Weave itself. Here, anything is not only possible, but probably quite likely. And you're a Wake Walker. You're asking the wrong questions.”

“Well what would be the right question to ask then?”

Ring Ring....Ring Ring....Ring Ring.

“What?” The Angel replies, though he's suddenly distracted, his attention returning to Larry, Curly and Mo. “You three, I have pressing matters to attend to. Your chastisement shall have to wait. See yourselves to the Misery Box, I'll get to you in due course. Now,” he returns to Fiona, “What did you say?”

“The right question?” she prompts.

“Oh yes,” the Angel smiles, “Try 'how do you answer a phone that isn't there?'”

Episode 7 - Chapter 44

RING RING....RING RING....RING RING

Fiona knows that the Angel is talking to her, but all she can hear is the phone ringing. Its volume has grown to deafening levels now, a jangling chirp to batter her ear drums.

She watches the Angel's lips move and his camp gesticulations, while her own hands desperately cover her ears.

“WHAT?” she shouts, “WILL SOMEONE PLEASE STOP THAT PHONE RINGING?”

The ringing stops abruptly.

“What phone ringing?” The Angel asks.

“You didn't hear it?” Fiona inquires in reply, “You must have heard it.”

“I can assure you,” The Angel tells her, “There is no phone ringing here. In fact, there is no phone.”

The ringing begins once more, but quietly again, somewhere in the distance.

“If there's no phone here,” Fions says, “Why can I hear one ringing?”

“One can only assume,” the Angel winks again, “The call must be for you.”

Episode 7 - Chapter 43

“Just a second,” Fiona says, “Did you just say face trial?”

“Indeed I did,” the Angel replies.

“Trial for what exactly?” Fiona demands.

“Why, the destruction of one of the archetypes,” the Angel tells her. “And it would appear that the Lord of Doors is not alone in demanding this. Other envoys are arriving even as we speak, all with the same agenda. It would appear that the High Lords are in agreement, for once.”

As he speaks, Fiona becomes aware of the phone getting louder, making it difficult to follow his words.

“What's so bloody important about these archetypes,” she asks, “And how exactly did I destroy it?”

RING RING...RING RING....RING RING

“There was no end to the story,” the Angel tells her, “No happy ever after.”

RING RING....RING RING....RING RING

Episode 7 - Chapter 42

“Nevertheless,” the Angel continues, “There has to be consequences for their failures.”

“Their failures were their inability to control me,” Fiona insists, “And any consequences should rest firmly on my shoulders.”

“No m'lady,” Larry, Curly and Mo declare with one voice, “You know not what that might mean.”

“Indeed you do not,” the Angel confirms, “Already the Lord of Doors has sent word, demanding you be turned over to him to face trial before the High Lords. I can keep him at bay, but only by blaming my own agents.”

The Angel pauses for a moment, scratches his nose, which grows slightly bigger as he does.

Somewhere in the distance, an old phone continuess to ring.

Episode 7 - Chapter 41

“Promises, promises,” the Angel says, “As easily made, just as easily to broken.”

As he speaks, the Angel circles Larry, Curly and Mo, stood side by side, heads hung in shame. Watching his theatrics, Fiona sees him pull a long, thin moustache from his upper lip, twist it in his fingers before clicking them and the hair disappear.

“Take these three specimens,” he twirls on his heels, coming to a halt in a bend facing Fiona, “Or is it one specimen in three parts. To be honest I've never really understand how Mister Strauss works. Or doesn't.” He pirouettes away, to continue his circling. “Promised to serve my interests faithfully, keep you safe and OUT of trouble, until you were ready to see me.” The frown on his brow turned toward the three midgets makes a ballet of disgrace out of his little dance.

“Please,” Fiona implores, “Whatever has happened it was my fault, I did those things not them. As if three midgets could stop me doing anything. Once my mind is set there's no stopping me, just you ask my husband.”

“Hmmmm?” the Angel pauses, winking, “Maybe I will.”

Episode 7 - Chapter 40

“There you go again,” I said in exasperation, “Another one of your none answers shrouded in a mystery. What kind of radical ideas could cause the need to destroy a city full of people.”

“It would be difficult ,” Oak replied, “For a modern man, such as yourself, to understand the motivations and superstitions of a roman citizen. The people of Pompeii had set themselves on a course of action that would have destroyed the delicate balance between the Warp and Weft for a generation or more.”

“That's still not an answer,” I was insisting, when Mary stood up and walked to the window. When she pulled back the curtains we saw a dozen police cars, lighting up the street in blue and yellow. A bus had pulled up at the end, officers escorting our neighbours onto it.

There was a loud attention grabbing knock from the front door. “Police,” we heard an officer shout, “Open up!”

Episode 7 - Chapter 39

“You said you grabbed one of them,” the first voice demands, “What happened to him?”

“'E drew shum linesh on me chesht,” Rocknipples replies, “Then 'e pulled open a door an they both jumped in.”

“A door?” the voice asks incredulously, “In your chest?”

“Yesh.”

“Proper odd it looked too,” Stonedildo confirms.

“Have you two perhaps been at the chalk?” the second voice wonders.

“Think about your bridge,” Raven whispers, inside the troll.

“And this door in your chest, it just disappeared when they closed it?”

“Yesh,” Rocknipples replies.

“Not your old bridge,” Raven continues to whisper, “But a new one.”

“And were I to cut you in half,” the first voice demands, “Would I find them there?”

“The bridge you're going to build,” Raven finds himself stroking the wall in a soothing manner, “After we rescue your heart.”

“I doubt it,” Rocknipples answers, “ It'sh like 'e shed, we mushta bin at the chalk.”

“Stupid troll,” says the first voice angrily. “Stupid, stupid trolls. You're both fined a days rations. Now about yourselves, the prince wants his guests escorting to the main ballroom.”